mental-health

“I think I’ve attempted to shield the public or whoever from seeing parts of myself that I felt were not consistent with whatever I was trying to put forward.”

“That experience was brand new to me. Historically, I actually haven’t been as forthcoming,” Jones tells Complex. “I think I’ve attempted to shield the public or whoever from seeing parts of myself that I felt were not consistent with whatever I was trying to put forward. That really led me to a place where I felt very misunderstood. I think I realized I was creating a box for myself, rather than just expressing [myself] openly.”

As previously mentioned, choosing to put yourself out there opens the floodgates for trolls, judgment, and unnecessary chatter that could throw even the most confident human off their game. However, once the musical storyteller learned to accept himself—flaws and all—he had an epiphany that not using his talents to share his story (musically or visually) would be nothing less than “hypocritical.”

“After writing an album that was specifically about this radical self-acceptance and nurturing that inner-child to heal [my] past traumas and experiences, it would be hypocritical for me to hold back in the same way when it came to the visual aspect of it,” says Jones.

“[My team] pushing me to really be more open and give more of myself … was sort of an act of faith and of belief in the gospel that I was preaching: not hold back as much and be more honest and forthcoming and authentic.”

But don’t get it twisted, bearing his soul via his latest sonic declaration was “scary.” 

“I did have to mentally prepare for people who watched this film to get to know a lot more about me than I was immediately comfortable with,” he explains. In fact, releasing the first project was a bit nail-biting for the rapper as well.

“I just felt a lack of control. I wanted to control. I was so concerned about controlling my image and people’s understanding of me and trying to make sure that everything I did explained me in the most perfect way,” the rapper explains.

While living up to the perfect projected persona may seem like nothing, it’s almost always impossible to maintain such a pristine facade forever. 

“The idea of every major decision you have to look at [is] are you being guided by fear of love?,” Jones shares. “It’s been a long five [or] six year process of me trying to slide myself toward the scale of doing as much as I can out of love and as little as I can out of fear.”

“The idea of every major decision you have to look at [is] are you being guided by fear of love?”

To keep a mental and emotional balance, Jones has embarked on several self-care routines over the years, the most recent including daily yoga, “which is pretty new to me,” he tells us. 

“I’ve been through a lot of different routines …[but I’m] three to four months in on a new one. It feels like the most concrete thing I’ve done,” the East Coast lyricist explains. “I’m waking up, I’m working out, and doing yoga every day. [I’m] also getting out of bed earlier.”

According to Jones, boundaries and focus are the keys to survival.

“I’m creating limitations on when and for how long I write. I’m trying to read a little bit every day,” Jones says. “I’m not necessarily successful at these things one-hundred percent of the time. In entertainment, opportunities will come up [and] different curve balls will be thrown at you.”

He continues, “You’ll be in a session and it’ll go [until] four in the morning unexpectedly because you’re chasing that feeling. I rebelled against technology in the beginning of trying to find a routine, but now I’ve incorporated an app that tracks how on top of things I am. I try [to] walk a decent amount every day, about 8,000 steps and that’s probably where I do some of my best thinking. It’s sort of like walking meditation.”

Of all his self-care routine tactics, the New Jersey emcee says yoga is the most vital part of his day-to-day life, because he wants to take care of his mind and body from a holistic point of view—something Jones believes allows him to “make better art.”

“I just have not been as active, especially in the last couple years due to the pandemic, as I’ve wanted to be. Part of that is I was so focused on creating something sustainable in my career and finding this solid ground,” Jones says. “But I realized in the lead up to making the album that I was neglecting a lot of the other parts of myself. I’m now coming into the understanding that focusing on myself more holistically allows me to make better art, allow[ing] me to be a more thoughtful and reflective person that’s able to make the things I want to make. In the past, I was just burning myself out almost as a badge of honor, but it wasn’t really getting me anywhere.”

“I’m now coming into the understanding that focusing on myself more holistically allows me to make better art.”

Aside from yoga and other daily rituals, Jones says therapy is another method he wants to tap into (once he finds the right person for the job).

“I [went to] some therapy when I was much younger, [but] it didn’t last for very long. That’s one of the things that I’ve kind of been lagging on,” Jones shares. “I do this thing where I go on online and have all these tabs open of therapists, but I haven’t quite found the person yet. That’s on the top of the list of things I need to accomplish this year: find the person I’m going to talk to and start to open up more in that way.”

While Jones may not have the right therapist just yet, he does have a support squad, better known as The Summit. The Summit consists of Jones and two of his closest friends. They’re a come-as-you-are, no-questions-asked, we-always-have-your-back pack who keep each other afloat through life’s challenges. And yes, entertainers do have challenges.

“When one of us is going through something, we float it to the group chat and try to drop what we’re doing and hop on a call [or] FaceTime [or] meet in person and just discuss those things.” Jones explains, “it’s a little bit different from therapy because it’s not this sort of unbiased, opinionless figure that you’re talking to, but it is very helpful to just speak out some of your frustrations … out loud and have it resonate and have people be there to support you.” And let’s be honest, support is hard to find when people assume you always have it together, especially in entertainment.

“We’re not always encouraged to go to those places,” Jones says. “[There’s] a lot of partying and a lot of talking about the victories and successes, but not the struggles.”

So no matter who you are, always remember, the struggle is real, for everyone—rappers included.

 

*The information contained in this program is not intended to dispense medical advice, and is not intended for self diagnosis or treatment. If you have any questions or concerns about your health, and/or before starting or stopping any treatment or acting upon any information contained in this program, you should contact your own medical physician, or health-care provider.