Jada Pinkett Smith reveals that she suffers from “bouts of depression” in her new book, Worthy. PEOPLE published an excerpt from the upcoming memoir, last week. In the section, Jada explains that despite her successful career and marriage, she finds herself dealing with moments where “helplessness” floods in.
In doing so, she recalls battling with a mental break around her 40th birthday. “I want to be grateful for this moment, for this opportunity, but a feeling of helplessness floods me…” she writes. “Don’t be afraid, I tell myself. You are in peaceful, beautiful Ojai. Why are you so scared? Because, I answer right back, what if THIS actually kills me?”
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Jada Pinkett Smith With Will Smith In Los Angeles
From there, she continues: “Three months earlier, in the wake of my fortieth birthday, my biggest worry was Well, what if it DOESN’T? For two decades, I had been putting on a good face, going with the flow, telling everyone I was okay. Yet underneath, bouts of depression and overwhelming hopelessness had smoldered until they turned into raging hellfire in my broken heart. Unwelcome feelings — of not deserving love — made it harder to understand the disconnect between the so-called perfect life I had achieved and the well of loss I carried with me. Therapy helped up to a point. It got me to forty! But to what end?”
Elsewhere, she describes “checking off boxes” to prove she lives a happy life and how those “boxes” haven’t supplied her with the joy she expected. “I followed the rules … the rules we’re told to follow. You work hard, make sacrifices for those you love,” she explained. Jada Pinkett Smith’s Worthy releases on October 17th. Be on the lookout for further updates on the book on HotNewHipHop.
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